Being There When It Counts
by Catherine4
Summary: DannyZoe - Set after S2E10 as they stand on the beach, thinking about Tom


Being There When It Counts  
  
They stood there, staring blankly out into the open sea. Neither of them could believe what was happening, neither of them wanted to. They stood there now on the beach, watching rescue workers trawl the sea for their one time friend and confidant, wanting more then anything to erase the last 24 hours from their memories.  
  
On the outside Danny looked calm and collected but inside he was screaming. He could feel Zoe standing next to him, fighting hard to hold back tears and knew that she must be feeling the same thing. As did everyone. He could still hear Ruth's grief stricken sobs now, it was all that stuck in his mind. That and the earth shattering gun shot that would haunt him forever.  
  
Everything about that one moment that changed his life still hung over him like a black cloud, refusing to leave him be. "It's Tom." The sound of Ruth's voice as she uttered those two simple words then collapsed into tears, the shaking of his hand as he numbly placed the phone back in his pocket and the way he looked up at Zoe and saw the solemn recognition on her face as she looked into his eyes.  
  
They both knew, had a feeling in their gut that instinctively told them what had happened. They didn't need words to tell them, and they couldn't find them now to express their emotions.  
  
The gentle crash of the waves against the rocks and the anguished shouts of the men around them echoed hollowly inside their heads. The icy sea wind whipped their faces as the continued to stare at the surreal scene before them.  
  
Danny caught a glimpse of Zoe out of the corner of his eye, brushing her hair away from her face and struggling to maintain her composure. He sighed, long and painfully, and turned slightly towards her. He reached out and slowly intertwined his fingers in hers. She looked down at the ground then offered him a weak smile.  
  
That simple touch was all it took. That one subtle show of comfort and unity was the only catalyst needed to break down the paper-thin barrier that held all the emotion back.  
  
"Danny..." Zoe muttered. Her voice was strained and not much more than a whisper. He pulled instinctively pulled her into his arms as every negative emotion imaginable flooded out of her. She cried for both of them. Danny could not cry, he was still in denial, but as her salty tears seeped into his jacket, he felt relief wash over him. He hugged her closer and stroked her hair the most basic and honest of gestures bonding them in their grief.  
  
Then Danny's pain suddenly turned into anger. His uncontrollable guilt melted away and reformed into hatred. Hatred of himself and disbelief that he could betray someone he had been so close to for so long.  
  
He still held Zoe, tighter now as her sobs continued, protecting her. From what he didn't know. From her thoughts? From the events that were unfolding in front of them? From their work and ending the same ay as...  
  
Danny wanted to scream. To shout, and yell and blame someone else. But there was no one else. If he was thinking logically and coherent thoughts still formed in his mind, he would have realised that it wasn't his fault.  
  
He had trained himself to think clearly and only concentrate on the facts but at that moment hatred seethed through him and he could not ignore it. Although he felt this way, he sighed, doing his best to compose himself. Even though he was hurting, he wasn't thinking about himself, only Zoe.  
  
"Come on" he said in a soothing voice and kissed the top of her head, "let's go."  
  
He ushered her gently towards the car and she followed willingly, not having the energy to fight, or even cry anymore. Danny climbed into the drivers seat. He rested his forehead on the steering wheel in exhaustion and just sat there in silence. Unable to move, unable to think, wishing all this was just a dream. A ting moan escaped his lips. One of his colleagues was dead, and another critical in hospital, that he could not and would not believe.  
  
But even if a person were doing their best to deny such a catastrophic event, cracks in their subconscious would inevitably let tiny grains of truth penetrate the shield. It would all get too much.  
  
He lifted his head again, taking one last look out of the window, but purposely did not look at any of the people on the beach, avoiding reality the best he could. He only looked at the sky.  
  
He felt Zoe lay her hand gently on his back. He was grateful that she was there, grateful that he had someone to share his feelings with and he imagined she felt the same. He thought again of Ruth, and Sam, and everyone back at Thames House who had heard the devastating news.  
  
They had each other, he had Zoe. It was more than Tom had. In his most crucial moment of need he had been abandoned by his friends and driven to despair. He may have been guilty, Danny would never know, but he had owed it to Tom to let him explain.  
  
"It's not our fault" Zoe said, as if reading his mind, "don't blame yourself."  
  
Danny knew deep down that it was his fault, and that the guilt would stay with him for the rest of his life. But somehow, even though Zoe's words were a lie and they both knew they were untrue, the helped.  
  
In some unseen, unknown way, they touched Danny and let him know that someone still had faith in him, even if he didn't have faith in himself.  
  
He wanted it all to go away, to vanish like Tom had done. He didn't want the lasting image of his colleague to be with a shotgun in his hand. Tom would never do a thing like that, he told himself. But he had, and Danny needed to face up to it.  
  
Everything had pushed Tom so far over the edge that he was prepared to kill and neither him nor Zoe had noticed. Or cared. As soon as they believed him to be guilty, they turned their backs on him, let their thoughts cloud their judgment. They both thought he was guilty of treason, a man so dedicated to his job that his skills could not be matched by anyone.  
  
Danny wanted to block it out of his mind, when he had opened that safe ad found the passport, but now he wanted that detail to be true. Tom was on a plane now to Slovakia, no doubt drinking whiskey and relaxing in his first- class recliner.  
  
No, he wasn't at the bottom of the freezing cold ocean; he was in the sky, vanishing without a trace to start a new, normal life away from MI5.  
  
Tom Quinn, ultimate Spook. 


End file.
